Cock Flavoured Seasoning, literally.

I was spending some time wallowing in my post-gig depression (because Muse were, as usual, amazing). Yes, Berlin was the thing I was looking forward to all summer and now there is a gaping black hole until uni starts again. Hence, the post-Muse depression because I won't see them again until forever. I'll miss the people and the band and the songs and the atmosphere and the queueing and the fighting for barrier - and I still need a plan regarding my summer, but I'm okay now.

Why, you ask me? Because a friend of mine linked me this. Yes, that's right. It is 'cock flavoured seasoning' with a product review written by George Takei. In his words, other cock flavoured products still didn't quite "rise to the occasion," but the availability of this product meant that Takei's "search for great cock was finally over!" Other reviewers also shoot a load of reasons as to why this product is amazing. You should read them, really.

I am okay with my life, with this world. Everything is fine and nothing hurts if only I can live in a world in which we can buy "Cock Flavoured Seasoning" online, on amazon. All I need in my life now are glittery all-stars, but sadly, they're out of stock.

And that is how I came to kill a man.

22/03/2013, 21:34
Dear diary,
For a few days now, I've been hearing noises. I know. I know, it seems like insanity has finally set in, although the status of my sanity has always been dubious at best. I realised thus that hearing noises wasn't a good sign. Especially considering the fact that I could not locate the source. I have been looking.

Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeep. Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeep.

24/03/2013, 19:27
Dear diary,
The noises start around six each evening, they stop when I am asleep and are not there when I awake in the morning. I have thought of setting an alarm or to stay up all night, to check when they end, but I fear this will not do anything for my sanity. I am still not convinced that only I can hear them, even though preliminary reasearch suggests this. My housemates could not and have not heard the noises. When I asked, they proceded to back away slowly. I wonder why.

Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeep. Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeep. Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeep.

25/03/2013, 18:33
Dear diary,
There is hope for my (remaining) sanity yet. I closed my window and the noises stopped. It seems the noises are not located in my head, but rather outside. The source remains a mystery though and the noise is slowly driving me insane anyway. If I do not hear it, I wonder whether it is still there and open the window. When I hear it, I become angry. WHY DO I HEAR THIS NOISE. BEEPBEEP

25/03/2013, 22:56
Dear diary,
What if the noises are in my head, but I think they are outside because my brain wishes to protect me from itself? I closed the window, silence. I open it: BEEP. BEEPBEEP. BEEEEEP, it goes on and on. Can I be aware of my own insanity or is the closed window a way of my brain, trying to keep me relatively sane? Is talking to a diary insane? Other people do it. I literally  have no one else. Well, my pet rat, but I think he loathes me and is plotting to kill me. I should not have said those things about his mother.

25/03/2013, 03:44
Dear diary,
My housemates still cannot hear the noises. I think. They did not literally say this, but "it's bloody three in the morning, fuck the fuck off" certainly implies they cannot. Or at least suggests it. I shall investigate.

03/06/2013, 15:12
Dear diary,
My apologies for the delay in writing you. I am writing this letter from prison, though it has been suggested that I ought to be relocated. I am looking out for men in white coats. I know they think I am insane, but I am not. In fact, I am writing to you to tell you where the noise came from. My housemates promised they would insert the letter into you, that is, the diary. I hope that works. Maybe I can ask them to copy this letter to your pages.
Anyway, dear diary, the noises came from a man watching sheep. He was sitting outside and I strangled him with the cords of his equipment. It turns out, the sheep are not bothered much by the beeps - which is what he set out to investigate - but I was. Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeep. I can still hear it in my head sometimes. If I was sane before, I may have lost it now. They played the noises at the trial.

Beep. BeepBeep. Beeep. Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeeep.

They did not do it twice. I'm not sure if diaries can read papers, actually, I'm sure they can't. The building burned down. I did not know I had such strong arms.

I have to leave this cell now, dear diary. I hope you get this letter, because the men in white coats came to take me away. For tests, they say. Beep. BeepBeep. Beeeeeeep.